Tuesday, May 27, 2008

The Andy Rooney Hour

You know what I hate? People who can't be bothered to open the door for themselves. You're at a two-way, two person, in-out door. . . the kind of door where one person can be going in at the same time another person is going out. And someone is coming right at you. You're going out: you push open the door on your right, figuring the other person can pull open the door on his right, and you can have, like, simultaneous useful door experiences.

But what does he do? He stands in front of you, waiting for you do open your door. He gets in your way, and grabs the open door. He waits for you to struggle past him, then surges in past you. Sometimes these people even say "Thanks," as if you are holding the door for them.

Dude, I'm not holding the door. I'm passing through it. And that evil look of menace is because I'm thinking, "You're a healthy young person! Open your own god-damned door and get out of my way! It's not going to kill you!"

'Cause you know, young people are the worst offenders. I was just on campus this morning and had like five door experiences like this and then I took the subway downtown to the financial district and all the grown-ups just pulled open their own doors. Like normal people.

I'm even more annoyed when people use those handicapped door-openers -- also something that is huge on college campuses. iPod in ears, backpack on back, two free hands, person uses hip to bump up against the blue button to electronically open the door. Young environmentalists my ass. Also those things break all the time, and then actual handicapped people can't get in!

If you can open the door, open the door.

I also hate when people eat with their faces right in their food and when bicyclists ride on the sidewalk and are rude about it. Yesterday I made a little noise of annoyance at a bicyclist on the sidewalk as he rudely rode past me -- going quickly! on a very crowded sidewalk! without looking! -- and what did he do? He made the noise right back at me.

That was actually kind of funny and I had to give him credit. But not so much that I think it's OK to crash into people on the sidewalk. If you must bring your bike on the sidewalk, please treat pedestrians with care!

And get off my lawn, you kids!


Captain Colossal said...

I hate people who bicycle on the sidewalk. Hate.

Daniel said...

In New York, it seems as if the sidewalks are crowded with immigrant food delivery people on bicycles. I hate this too, but then I feel badly because their work is probably pretty shitty. I don't think that the restaurants make an effort to educate these deliverers on city bicycling etiquette. But mostly, I'm scared that one'll run right into me.

Noko Marie said...

Bicycles off the sidewalk: it's not just etiquette kids, IT'S THE LAW.